1/5 Aaron G. 9 months ago on Google
Warning:
food
is
3D
printed
I
was
so
disappointed
when
I
opened
that
huge
box
of
pizza.
I
had
high
hopes
it
would
be
something
my
mediocre
taste
buds
would
cheer
about.
After
seeing
the
cover
of
the
box.
You
know..
that
box
that
all
those
delicious
hometown
pizzerias
use..
the
box
that
says
I
don’t
want
to
see
the
kitchen
where
this
was
made,
but
golly!
I’ll
be
back
next
week.
But
something
far
more
sinister
was
found
here…
something
I
cannot
untaste…
I
grabbed
for
a
slice
of
standard
pepperoni
(my
go-to)
and
alas…
Luke
warm….I
thought
to
myself
“no
this
can’t
be”
I
grabbed
“pizza”
with
my
bare
hands
(no
burn)
and
immediately
transported
the
monstrosity
to
the
nearest
microwave,
as
I
felt
my
disappointment
grow….Within
myself,
doubt
arose….I
grabbed
it
out
of
the
microwave
(fingers
now
burnt)
and
it
was
then
I
found
out
my
disappointment
wouldn’t
end
with
my
first
encounter
with
said
slice
of
“pizza”.
When
I
sunk
my
teeth
into
the
poverty
dough
of
the
“pizza”,
I
lost
it.
I
ripped
it
into
pieces
with
my
bare
teeth
like
my
shar-pei
trying
to
tear
apart
a
milk
bone.
I
chewed
and
chewed
until
my
jaws
ached.
Usually
they
are
rewarded
with
this
much
chew,
like
that
of
a
juicy
sirloin,
but
I
wasn’t
at
outback.
My
taste
buds,
cried…
not
from
happiness
and
warmth
from
Nonni’s
handmade
sauce
and
handspun
savory
dough,
no….this
was
sadness.
A
sadness
my
buds
haven’t
experienced
since
eating
keto
pizza.
The
sauce…
what
is
that
taste…
there
is
no
taste…
it’s
spaghetti
sauce
straight
from
the
can…
😓oregano?
No….
Basil??
Nope…
little
chunker
of
tomato???
Absolutely
none.
The
cheese…
what
is
that?
That
taste…..
is
familiar…
I
recognize
that
taste
from
when
I
lived….in
the
ghetto….
It’s
WIC
government
cheese
😪
oh
no!!
It
slid
down
my
throat
and
dropped
into
the
depths
of
my
aching
stomach…
My
stomach
growled
asking
me
why
I
would
feed
it
such
sub-par
pizza
pie.
I
apologized
and
promised
to
never
feed
it
cardboard
again.
I
snapped
back
to
reality,
when
I
glanced
over
to
see
my
3
year
old
reaching
for
a
slice.
I
told
her
“no,
don’t
eat
that!!!”
and
the
chunk
of
za
fell
out
of
her
hands
and
headed
straight
for
the
ground,
as
it
made
impact,
a
loud
echo
was
heard
throughout
the
house
as
if
someone
had
just
dropped
an
anvil…
I
checked
my
ceramic
tile..
luckily..
to
my
surprise,
no
cracks
in
the
floor.
I
properly
disposed
of
“pizza”
and
cleaned
any
areas
where
it
may
have
touched
in
my
kitchen,
including
my
mouth.
I
opened
the
tin-wrapped
chicken
parm
slider
next….
And
decided
not
to
eat
after
one
look
and
sniff.
That’s
$30
that
I
will
never
get
back,
for
when
I
tried
to
call
the
number
listed,
no
answer…
an
hour
and
a
half
before
closing…
very
suspect.
Hopefully
one
day
my
stomach
and
buds
will
forgive
you.
Until
now
you
get
1(should
be
0)
stars.
I’d
say
overall
it
was
absolutely
“schifoso”
but
there
truly
isn’t
enough
collective
Italian
at
this
place
to
understand
it.
Ciao.
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