5/5 John K. 7 months ago on Google
A
rugged,
no-pain
no-gain
depot
that
mostly
resembles
a
Gladiator
arena.
Germaphobes
operate
the
sterile
facility
that
is
spotless
except
for
the
pooling
of
blood
on
the
floor
as
my
ears
bleed
from
the
blasting
of
unholy
rock
music
calling
on
me
to
fight
government
tyranny.
Despite
a
dedicated
posing
room,
tripods
and
DSLRs
are
plentiful
in
all
areas,
filming
the
bulging
muscles
of
beefcakes
doing
"light
weights"
at
2pm
on
a
9-5
workday.
Hypnotically
Caucasian
—
the
TVs
play
clips
of
burly
men
moving
steel
6
inches
before
a
thundering
drop
to
the
floor,
parade-sized
army
unit
flags
drape
alongside
posters
of
half-naked
musclemen
and
heavyweight
boxers;
one
can
only
dream
of
being
so
masculine.
Make
no
mistake,
the
women
who
frequent
the
club
are
equally
domineering;
look
past
their
plastic
features
under
a
tan
seared
by
West
Coast
Iron's
very
own
tanning
booth,
and
you'll
find
pure
T
coursing
through
their
veins.
I
laid
down
at
one
of
the
many
bench
presses
and
struggled
at
first
to
lift
the
100kg
bar,
but
the
blinding
stadium
lights
piercing
directly
down
into
my
eyes
combined
with
the
strobe
effect
of
the
helicopter-sized
blades
of
the
ceiling
fan
induced
a
seizure
in
me,
and
I
uncontrollably
contorted
my
back
at
a
45
degree
angle,
which
gave
me
the
leverage
needed
to
lift
the
weight,
and
onlookers
remarked
that
I
had
"perfect
form."
The
drop-in
is
modestly
overpriced
and
at
the
same
time
the
entry
turnstile
is
very
easy
to
hop:
another
of
god's
little
tests.
Instead,
to
see
if
such
a
breach
would
go
unnoticed,
I
tried
to
sneakily
walk
backwards
through
the
the
exit
turnstile
while
the
front
desk
was
occupied
with
a
marauding
CrossFitter
and
was
successful
for
a
moment,
though
I
was
promptly
picked
up
and
launched
outside
by
a
mammoth
staff
member,
who
then
repped
my
whole
body
for
5
sets
of
Military
Press
right
on
the
doormat
seen
from
the
photo
taken
by
my
now-cracked
phone
and
uttered
the
heretical
words
that
are
still
with
me:
"Do
you
even
lift,
brah?"
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