5/5 T.J D. 11 years ago on Google
We
at
Amtrak
will
always
make
special
arrangements
and
accommodate
the
special
needs
of
anyone
who
qualifies.
We
do
not
discriminate
and
have
an
impeccable
reputation
for
serving
our
passengers.
You
are
the
one
exception
to
our
mission
statement
and
every
mission
statement
created
extolling
the
virtues
of
customer
service.
Our
new
mission
statement
is
"You
get,
what
you
give!"
In
other
words
if
you
are
a
jerk,
you
will
be
treated
like
a
jerk.
We
actually
did
discriminate
against
you
after
the
majority
of
the
passengers
in
your
compartment
complained
about
your
obnoxious
behavior.
We
embrace
an
individuals
right
to
express
themselves
but
your
extreme
krukolibidinous
behavior
was
unacceptable
and
that
is
why
we
purposefully
made
a
decision
to
bump
you
at
that
particular
stop.
Honestly
sir,
there
are
two
reasons
we
chose
that
"station."
In
fact,
that
specific
stop
has
been
abandoned
since
Nov
1st
1982.
It
used
to
be
a
dumping
station
for
the
tons
of
waste
(sewage)
that
filled
the
bilge
of
passenger
trains.
Let
me
assure
you
Mr.
Ian,
the
final
decision
to
bounce
you
from
the
carriage
came
from
Mr.
Joseph
H.
Boardman
our
president
and
CEO
of
Amtrak.
The
second
reason
for
that
station
being
chosen
was
because
it
possesses
a
rare
architectural
feature
that
we
wanted
you
to
see.
We
felt
your
behavior
had
earned
you
what
we
call
"the
speed
bump."
That
is
where
we
actually
throttle
the
locomotive
to
full
speed
as
we
escort
you
to
the
last
exit
on
the
train.
Upon
hitting
full
speed
and
with
the
platform
rapidly
on
approach;
you
will
feel
a
little
"BUMP."
If
you
have
a
Junior
Conductor,
chances
are
you
will
land
on
the
platform
and
roll
to
a
stop.
Our
old-timer
conductors
lack
the
empathy
for
people
like
you
and
will
try
to
have
the
bump
occur
3-5
seconds
too
early
so
that
your
pyknic
body
discovers
the
side
of
the
abutment
at
approximately
130
mph.
As
you
may
know,
every
good
thing
has
a
bad
side
and
because
of
the
Americans
with
Disabilities
Act
of
1990,
that
"station"
is
one
of
the
few
left
that
still
is
in
possession
of
that
beautiful
architectural
masterpiece.
Apparently
and
problematically,
the
Junior
Conductor
missed
the
early
Bump
and
you
apparently
landed
safely.
Yes,
our
Chairman
is
a
man
who
loves
to
find
people
like
you
because
he
uses
the
lessons
of
ironic
justice,
allegorical
tribulations
and
metaphorical
examples
where
jerks
don't
win,
for
the
Sunday
school
class
he
instructs
on
every
third
Sunday
of
the
month.
I
speak
for
the
Amtrak
crew,
our
exceptional
contract
personnel
(who
put
up
with
the
bullshit
that
you
people
get
away
with
on
a
daily
basis)
and
every
passenger
in
the
compartment
where
you
temporarily
deposited
yourself
in
a
delusional
state
of
hopeful
gymnophoria;
"RATS!"
Just
sayin,
Thomas
Davis,
Empirical
Spokesman
Amtrak
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